----- Author -----------------------------------------
;
; Script: e-Penis (Alternate Uptime) - v1.04
;
;     By : Alcohol (#script - irc.gamesurge.net)
; E-mail : monitio@hotmail.com (subject: ePenis)
;
;----- Details ----------------------------------------
;
; The alias is called by: /epenis
;
; What does it do?
;
;   This script will display your current uptime
;   expressed in inches that measure the length
;   of your e-Penis erection. It also keeps a record
;   of your largest erection ever (longest uptime).
;
; Local variables used throughout the alias:
;   > %up - Current uptime in seconds.
;   > %in - Current uptime expressed in inches.
;   > %cm - Current uptime expressed in centimeters.
;   > %r.in - Record uptime expressed in inches.
;   > %r.cm - Record uptime expressed in centimeters.
;
; Global variables set/used throughout the alias:
;   > %ePenis.record - Record uptime in seconds.
;
;----- Changelog --------------------------------------
;
; April 28, 2004 - v1.04
;   > Some minor updates/changes.
;   > Added more information/comments.
;
; April 22, 2004 - v1.03
;   > Some user suggested changes:
;      - Variable usage.
;      - Switched to '/say' rather than 'msg $active'.
;   > Removed idiot mIRC user check. Screw idiots :P!
;   > Using a different approach for erection sizing.
;     The bigger your uptime becomes, the slower it
;     will grow now :)
;
; April 21, 2004 - v1.02
;   > Record slightly redone, bugs gone (I hope).
;
; April 18, 2004 - v1.01
;   > Removed optional round parameter (was useless).
;   > Added error checking incase of idiot mIRC user.
;   > Added record erection (user requested addition).
;   > Minor variable/context changes.
;
; April 14, 2004 - v1.00
;   > First public distribution on mircscripts.org
;
;----- 'Copyright' ------------------------------------
;
; You are free to modify this script in any way you
; may desire, provided you leave the author info-header
; intact (or updated with your name added).
;
; Please, do not distribute it as your own.
;
;------------------------------------------------------

alias epenis {

  ; Set current length variables (inches & centimeters),
  ; using a square root function to determine erection size.
  ;
  var %up = $uptime(system,3)
  var %in = $sqrt($calc(0.0005 * %up))
  var %cm = %in * 2.540

  ; If no record is set, or current uptime exceeds record
  ; uptime, set/adjust stored record value.
  ;
  if ((%ePenis.record !isnum) || (%ePenis.record < %up)) {
    set %ePenis.record %up
  }

  ; Set record values.
  ;
  var %r.in = $sqrt($calc(0.0005 * %ePenis.record))
  var %r.cm = %r.in * 2.540

  ; No more than 2 decimals to keep it legible.
  ;
  %in = $round(%in,2)
  %cm = $round(%cm,2)
  %r.in = $round(%r.in,2)
  %r.cm = $round(%r.cm,2)

  ; Proceed to show my (big) erection to the rest/a friend.
  ;
  say Based on the uptime of my $+(Win,$os) box, $&
    my e-Penis is %in inches ( $+ %cm cm) erect! $&
    Largest erection ever was %r.in inches ( $+ %r.cm cm)!

}


; Check current uptime against record upon exiting mIRC.
;
on *:exit:{

  ; If no record is set, or current uptime exceeds record
  ; uptime, set/adjust stored record value.
  ;
  if ((%ePenis.record !isnum) || (%ePenis.record < $uptime(system,3))) {
    set %ePenis.record $uptime(system,3)
  }

}