1. You can't win - 2. You can't break even - 3. You can't quit. 
-- Allen Ginsberg, explaining thermodynamics
You'd better gain control now.
-- Supertramp, Crime of the Century
Down under where the lights are low, to the place where all the mutants go.
-- Devo, New Traditionalists
Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.
-- Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.
-- Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
-- Douglas Adams
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
-- Joseph Heller, Catch 22
Man was matter, that was Snowden's secret. Drop him out the window and he'll fall. Set fire to him and he'll burn. Bury him and he'll rot like other kinds of garbage. The spirit gone, man is garbage. That was Snowden's secret. Ripeness was all.
-- Joseph Heller, Catch 22
Clevinger had a mind, and Lieutenant Scheisskoph had noticed that people with minds tended to get pretty smart at times.
-- Joseph Heller, Catch 22
Billy coughed when the door was opened, and when he coughed he shit thin gruel. This was in accordance with the Third Law of Motion according to Sir Isaac Newton. This law tells us that for each reaction there is a reaction which is equal and opposite in direction. This can be useful in rocketry.
-- Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse Five
"How can the net amount of entropy of the universe be massively decreased?"-"Insufficient data for meaningful answer".
-- Isaac Asimov, The Last Question
Unerhört schnelle Systeme begehen unerhört schnell Fehler. 
-- Stanislaw Lem, Waffensysteme des 21. Jahrhunderts
Wir brauchen keine anderen Welten, wir brauchen Spiegel.
-- Stanislaw Lem, Solaris
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly and I did. I said I didn't know.
-- Mark Twain, Life on the Mississippi
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
-- Mark Twain
I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.
-- Mark Twain
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. 
-- Mark Twain
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. 
-- Mark Twain
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
-- Mark Twain
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
-- Mark Twain
If lightning is the anger of the gods, the gods are concerned mostly with trees.
-– Lao Tse
All armed Prophets have been victorious, and all unarmed Prophets have been destroyed.
-– Niccolo Machiavelli
Die Menschen scheuen sich weniger, einen anzugreifen, der sich beliebt gemacht hat, als einen, den sie fürchten.
-- Niccolo Machiavelli
Die Menschen sind so einfältig und hängen so sehr vom Eindrucke des Augenblickes ab, daß einer, der sie täuschen will, stets jemanden findet, der sich täuschen läßt.
-- Niccolo Machiavelli