on *:TEXT:*lol*:#: {
  inc %lolcount
  msg $chan 10,9§3,9§9,3§1,3§3,1§9 4 Wow! That Geek laughed out loud over the internet! How Pathetic! 3,1§1,3§9,3§3,9§10,9§ 
  msg $chan  9,0æ 0,9æ 3,9æ 9,3æ 1,3æ 3,1æ 9 The Number of Noobs To Laugh Out Load over The Internet: %lolcount 3,1æ 1,3æ 9,3æ 3,9æ 0,9æ 9,0æ 

  on $*:TEXT:*join*:#: { 
    inc %joincount
  msg $chan 11,0¦| 0,11¦| 12,11¦| 11,12¦| 2,12¦| 12,2¦| 1,2¦| 2,1¦| 11,1 Actually, I don't want to join, you can't make me! 2,1|¦ 1,2|¦ 12,2|¦ 2,12|¦ 11,12|¦ 12,11|¦ 0,11|¦ 11,0|¦ }
msg $chan  8,0•0,8•7,8•8,7•4,7•7,4•5,4•4,5•5,1•1,1•4,1<-0,1 Number of People to Ask/Beg Me to Join Something: %joincount 4,1->1,1•5,1•4,5•5,4•7,4•4,7•8,7•7,8•0,8•8,0• }


on *:TEXT:*Velocity*:#: {
  inc %velocitycount
msg $chan  4»0,4»5»4,5»1»5,1»0 Who do YOU think you are?! Highlighting The Almight Velocity?! Highlighting is NO Joke! Highlight The Almighty Velocity Again and DIE! 5«1,5«4«5,4«0«4,0« }
msg $chan  6,12| 12,6| 13,6| 6,13| 4,13| 13,4| 7,4| 4,7| 8,7| 7,8| 9,8| 8,9| 10,9| 9,10| 12,10| 10,12| 16,12 Number of Losers to Highlight Velocity: %velocitycount 10,12| 12,10| 9,10| 10,9| 8,9| 9,8| 7,8| 8,7| 4,7| 7,4| 13,4| 4,13|  }