on *:ACTION:*slaps*:#: { 
  If ($1 == Def669 | $nick == Peer | $nick == Nechryael | $nick == Chris669 | $nick == Splodge) { halt }
else $goto slap
:slap
  if ($2 == $me) { 
    var %item = $read(itemlist.txt) 
    describe $chan slaps $nick back with $iif($left(%item,1) isin aeiou,an %item,a %item) 
  } 
}