Valentine\'s Day... what garbage.'; if($date == '16th') print 'President\'s Day is just a cheap way to not pay the parking meter.'; if($date == '22nd') print 'Washington... you owe me one.'; } if($month == 'March'){ if($date == '16th') print 'don\'t be stupid you moron!'; if($date == '17th') print 'St. Patty\'s Day = tons o\' drinking.'; if($date == '20th') print 'Spring is finally here!'; } if($month == 'April'){ if($date == '1st') print 'It\'s April Fool\'s Day you idiot.'; if($date == '14th') print 'Good Friday. Isn\'t every friday good?'; if($date == '16th') print 'Easter reminds me of marshmellow chicks chunks in vomit.'; } if($month == 'May'){ if($date == '14th') print 'Happy Mother\'s Day. Go visit her tombstone.'; if($date == '31st') print 'Memorial Day. Who cares?'; } if($month == 'June'){ if($date == '18th') print 'Happy Father\'s Day. Even to all the bastard children.'; } if($month == 'July'){ if($date == '4th') print 'Independence Day.'; } if($month == 'August'){ print ''; } if($month == 'September'){ if($date == '1st') print 'Labor Day. Go sleep or something you busybody.'; } if($month == 'October'){ if($date == '13th') print ''; if($date == '31st') print 'Go forth and scare me some candy!'; } if($month == 'November'){ if($date == '11th') print 'Veterans Day...pet doctor?'; if ($date == '27th') print 'Next time, cook that turkey on the 26th for a free Thanksgiving.'; } if($month == 'December'){ if($date == '12th') print 'Yes... my Cakeday is here.'; if($date == '25th') print 'Happy Greedmas! Snow, gifts, and family fights.'; if($date == '31st') print '10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...'; } ?>