on *:ACTION:*slaps*:#: { 
  if ($2 == $me) { 
    var %item = $read(itemlist.txt) 
    if (clockhart isin $address($nick,1)) goto stop
    else describe $chan slaps $nick back with $iif($right(%item,1) == s,some,$iif($left(%item,1) isin aeiou,an,a))) %item 
    halt
    :stop
    describe # goes to slap $nick back with $iif($right(%item,1) == s,some,$iif($left(%item,1) isin aeiou,an,a))) %item but stops
    halt
  }