under aliases

/randomsplat {
  %mah = $nick($chan,0)
  /inc %mah -1
  %meh = $rand(0,%mah)
  %muh = %meh
  /inc %meh 1
  %moh = $rand(0,1)
  if (%moh == 0) {
    /describe $chan randomly throws a cow pat at $nick($chan,%meh) who gets coated from head to toe in it
  }
  elseif (%moh == 1) {
    /describe $chan randomly throws a cow pat at $nick($chan,%meh) who gets caked in it
  }
}

under remote

on 1:text:!randomsplat*:#:/randomsplat $chan