FACADE STAGEPLAY Mon Jul 16 19 24 20 2007 GRACE Trip, when are you going to get rid of this? (Andrew knocks on the front door.) TRIP Uhp, he's here! GRACE What?! You told me it'd be an hour from now! TRIP No, he's supposed to be here now! GRACE God... Trip! (Trip opens the front door.) TRIP Andrew!! TRIP Hi! It's so great to see you! It's been a while how's it going? GRACE No, no, here we are! GRACE Andrew, GRACE Hi! How are you? I'm so happy to see you after so long! TRIP Yeah, how -- how are you doing? GRACE I just asked him that... TRIP I can ask too! GRACE (frustrated sigh) GRACE Well, make yourself at home, come on in! TRIP Huh, I'll close the door. GRACE So, please, make yourself at home... (Trip closes the front door.) TRIP Whoops, I need to go close the door. TRIP Heh heh, Andrew, seeing you brings back good memories, -- (interrupted) PHONE ** RING ** GRACE Oh, I'll get it -- TRIP No, no no no, our friend's here, we can let the answering machine get it. PHONE ** RING ** GRACE Trip, no, I want -- TRIP Grace, come on, don't be rude. TRIP It's probably just one your art gallery friends, it seems like they're always calling you. PHONE ** RING ** GRACE (frustrated sigh) PHONE ** RING ** ANSWERING MACHINE ** click ** ANSWERING MACHINE You've reached the fabulous new home of Grace and Trip. Leave us a message! ANSWERING MACHINE ** beep ** ANSWERING MACHINE Travis, are you there, it's your mother, I haven't heard from you and Grace in a while, GRACE Oh, it's your parents! I'll get it -- TRIP Grace, Grace, come on, I don't want to talk to them right now... GRACE I want to say hello -- TRIP No no, come on, we're entertaining a friend in our new apartment... ANSWERING MACHINE I'm just calling to find out if you've settled in to your new apartment, that's all... TRIP the last thing I want to do is talk to my parents. ANSWERING MACHINE Give me a call if you're not travelling, I know you're travelling a lot these days. GRACE Anyhow, Trip's parents... They're sweet people, really down to earth -- TRIP Uhh, no, they're ignorant, they don't know 'black tie only' from... black bean chili. ANSWERING MACHINE Okay, that's all, bye Travis. GRACE (frustrated sigh) TRIP Oh, Andrew, take a look at this photo I just put up from our trip to Italy a couple of weeks ago... GRACE (little sigh) TRIP Andrew, -- (interrupted) GRACE Andrew, -- (interrupted) GRACE Trip, darling, your obsession with that photo of yours is making our friend uncomfortable. TRIP (little sigh) Well this trip to Italy was meant to be our second honeymoon. GRACE Trip, don't exaggerate... it was just a weekend getaway. TRIP uhh... (Trip shakes the advice ball.) TRIP Probably true. TRIP Huh! GRACE (little sigh) GRACE (big sigh) GRACE Oh God, Andrew, this isn't much fun for you, is it? TRIP What? GRACE Trip, have you noticed, we're fighting in front of our friend. TRIP Grace, come on, it's not helping things for you to say that... GRACE Trip, there's nothing wrong with disagreeing in front of our friend -- TRIP We're NOT disagreeing. TRIP We're -- we're -- we're not disagreeing. TRIP (frustrated sigh) Sheejus. (Trip shakes the advice ball.) TRIP Heh... No doubt about it. TRIP Huh... I don't know about that... GRACE Trip, what is your fascination with that stupid toy...? TRIP I like it, I can carry it around. GRACE You know, ever since we got married, I can't help it, I'm forever buying new furniture and redecorating, GRACE I -- I really enjoy it -- TRIP Yeah, it's in your blood, you grew up with this stuff. GRACE Andrew, now be honest with me, agree that this room just does not work! TRIP Grace, come on, what are you talking about? GRACE All day at work I design ads for decorative objects, like these sculptures, GRACE and then I think, I want to design them into my apartment -- TRIP Oh yeah, yeah, everybody always says how much they love Grace's sculptures! GRACE but... now I can't take the sight of them! They're revolting! TRIP Oh come on! Jesus why can't you just be happy with them? They're fine! GRACE (frustrated sigh) TRIP Grace, everything's fine, no one is complaining about your decorating! GRACE No, he is just being courteous... this room is not -- TRIP Uhh, Grace, come on, people like it, you're the only one -- GRACE You know, Trip, if you hadn't convinced me to go into advertising, I could have painted that painting on the wall instead of buying it! TRIP You're never happy... TRIP Uhh, you're driving me insane! TRIP Your... goddamn decorating... TRIP You're never satisfied with anything! You're never happy, never ever satisfied with anything. GRACE (impatient sigh) Andrew, can you believe this? GRACE (frustrated sigh) GRACE You and your damn parents... GRACE Sometimes I feel like our whole marriage is just for show! I don't know what you really feel! TRIP Oh, god...! TRIP Goddamn italy... TRIP I try to reach out to you, I try to be romantic with you, but you're cold, and distant! I do, I really try! GRACE Oh, yeah, yeah, right! TRIP Alright, you know what, Andrew, TRIP I'm going to ask you something. GRACE Trip -- TRIP Grace, let me ask our guest a question. TRIP Andrew, yes or no... TRIP Each person in a marriage is supposed to try really hard to be _in sync_ with the other, right? GRACE What? TRIP I mean, when you're married, to make it good, you need to always be positive, and agreeable, and _together_, right? TRIP Yes or no. TRIP Look, don't bother answering, I don't need to hear it! TRIP Uhh, Grace, any time I talk about our wedding, or our engagement, you hate it, hate it! How do you think that makes me feel? What am I supposed to think, Grace? GRACE Oh, I can't believe...! GRACE Uhh! Yeah, good, get out of my sight! GRACE I can't take you anymore! GRACE Oh, God!! GRACE uhh! GRACE Andrew, I -- I'm sorry... this is a disaster... GRACE uhh... GRACE Look, maybe you should just leave... GRACE Oh, God... TRIP What? I can't hear a goddamn word you're saying! GRACE Good! GRACE Andrew, (annoyed sigh) Trip is just so... TRIP Oh ho, so we're talking about me, are we? GRACE What? TRIP Grace, even though you're now a creative director at work, and even though you redecorate the apartment all the time, the truth is... you're not an artist. GRACE Uhh...! TRIP I'm sorry, you're not. GRACE Andrew, uhh... GRACE Andrew, you see, this is what I've had to put up with, for ten goddamn years. GRACE Andrew, what, is there something I should do? GRACE Look, let's not focus on just me or you, let's talk about us. GRACE Trip, can't you see, it's the way you speak, the way you talk to me...! TRIP What, I'm not allowed to be angry? GRACE You tell me what to do, you don't listen. TRIP Andrew, I'm not telling her what to do, I'm trying to help her! GRACE Uhh... GRACE Let's talk some more about us, our relationship. GRACE Andrew, it's time that Trip finally just admits that our marriage -- TRIP Grace, don't, no, you don't need to -- GRACE Admits that our marriage is not -- TRIP Stop it, stop it! (annoyed sigh) GRACE Uhh...! God...! GRACE Let's talk some more about us, our relationship. GRACE You know what's so annoying, is when you pretend to be all 'romantic'! TRIP What...? GRACE Trip, it is such an act! TRIP Oh my God... Andrew, what... uhh... TRIP No, I want us to focus on Grace. GRACE You know, Trip, whenever I really try to talk honestly about things, you... you don't want to hear it! TRIP What? GRACE Andrew, I think I'm the only one who is trying to be the most honest here. TRIP Uhh... TRIP Look, let's not focus on just me or you, let's talk about us both. GRACE Trip, you just pretend to like all this stuff... fancy cigars, and fine wine... TRIP You think I'm not good enough...! GRACE I never said that! I'm saying there's more to you than all this... TRIP Let's talk some more about us both. TRIP Andrew, look around this apartment. It's got everything anyone would ever want. But, Grace, oh no, she's never satisfied. GRACE Trip, ... ugh ... I'm so sick of this. TRIP Well, heh, I -- I mean, we -- heh -- we -- we've got everything... GRACE Trip, you just don't... uhh. TRIP Andrew, what, is there something I should do? GRACE Let's keep the focus on us, our relationship. GRACE I think Trip's afraid of visiting his parents. He does everything he can to avoid seeing them. TRIP Afraid of my parents?! My parents are idiots. GRACE No, it's true... TRIP Look, let's talk about Grace now. TRIP Grace, I don't think you really do want us to quit our jobs, lead a simpler lifestyle. GRACE What? Trip, you know what I -- TRIP Oh come on! You grew up with a silver spoon in your mouth. You can't live any other way. GRACE Okay, stop, I -- I can't do this anymore, goddammit! GRACE Andrew, I know what you're hinting at... GRACE about me... GRACE Do you really want the honest truth? Huh? GRACE Andrew, are you ready for that? GRACE Trip, huh? TRIP Yes...! GRACE Andrew, yes or no? GRACE See, Andrew, I've been listening carefully to what you've been saying tonight. GRACE You've been trying to push me. GRACE And I wonder, are -- are you really my friend...? TRIP Grace! GRACE Andrew, I've got to ask you -- yes or no... GRACE Do you really think that... GRACE and you don't even say 'yes' when I ask you if you want the truth... GRACE that I'm supposed to realize something about myself from all that? GRACE Was the little you've said tonight intended to mean something, or... GRACE Is it? I just want a yes or a no. GRACE This is not a trick question. GRACE No? Huh, well, I thought it did add up to something, actually. GRACE Alright... look... (big sigh) GRACE Andrew, Everything's fine, we're not... uhh... we're fine... TRIP Yeah... yeah. GRACE I -- I think it's okay if you... need to go... GRACE Look, Andrew, nothing's changed, we're fine... we'll see you out. TRIP Thanks for coming over... it, it -- it was fun. GRACE Come on, Andrew, the evening's over... there's nothing more to say... TRIP Uh, it's great you came over, but it's time to call it a night. (Grace opens the front door.) GRACE So we'll... we'll call you later, or something. TRIP Andrew, please... GRACE Oh, Andrew, just go, please... (Trip closes the front door.)