2Fslap {
  var %item = $read(itemlist.txt)
  if ($1 == $me) describe $chan slaps himself with $iif($right(%item,1) == s,some,$iif($left(%item,1) isin aeiou,an,a))) %item
  else describe $chan slaps $1- with $iif($right(%item,1) == s,some,$iif($left(%item,1) isin aeiou,an,a))) %item
}