My name’s Brandon, and I was born with Diastrophic Dysplasia, a form of Dwarfism. I use a wheelchair to get around, but I have full range of motion. I am a fully independent adult working as an editor for a filming studio while trying to start up my own web design company. I attend a horrifically deprived college in northern Minnesota, and besides a semester at DePaul University in Chicago, have lived here all of my life.

While I don’t have as many exciting stories as someone like Bruiser, I do have a couple I think you would all find entertaining. I have a secondary goal to humanize a group of people who are all too foreign to so many people. Disabilities are quiet topics of fear and ignorance, and I think it’s silly. So if you are entertained, awesome. If you learn something, even better.
	
	This is the original post I made on the Something Awful Forums the second week I joined, in July of 2007.  What started out as a simple story thread to get acquainted with the community grew into a twenty plus, gold-rated thread full of my personal experiences as a dwarf, and as a dignified, humanly concerned individual.  I answered questions ranging from the length of my penis to my opinion on movies.  I shared videos, poetry, and ideas with absolute strangers, and they welcomed me with open arms.
	For some reason, these crazy motherfuckers wanted me to put a book together with all of these stories crammed into it.  However hesitant, and fearful, I have obliged their angry requests, and I would now like what’s left of my dog, Snoopy, mailed back to me.

	What follows is 19 of the 20 stories posted on Something Awful.  The 20th story was recorded in video format, and my publisher doesn’t seem to print video-paper yet.  I have made several modifications to the stories, some to improve mistakes, others to protect individuals, and some just because I can.
	This is unedited, full of contractions, ignorant of writing devices and literary practice, and riddled with modern references that will be absolutely meaningless in two years time.  I do not publish this book seeking criticism or praise.  I am simply archiving the thread that so many others have found personally inspiring, important, or entertaining.  I am more than humble, and consider this book a manifested box of shit.  I do real writing too, and I don’t want my famous novel to have this skeleton hanging in my closet.  This is not a showcase of my writing abilities, but is instead a showcase of my experiences.
	I do not claim that these stories are without-a-doubt accurate.  I have summarized complex situations, lumped similar characters as one, and ignored entire elements of situations simply to provide better story telling.  I have not lied, but I certainly haven’t told the truth.  Do not look for historical writing within these pages.  It is, as I have stated, an archive of my experiences as I see them.

	Following the 19 stories is a series of writing I did for a depraved and now dormant blog “Who Pissed You Off?”  I was asked to write personal pieces pertaining to the things that pissed me off.  I developed a voice, and applied it to my personal pet peeves.  Consider these to be writing pieces, instead of narratives.  While I might have an opinion expressed in these anecdotes, I am hardly as angry or even as passionate as I might seem.  They are written to entertain and offend, which gave the site its intractability.  Take them for this, and with a grain of salt.  I certainly won’t acknowledge their existence when I’m famous.  “Fuck, some ghostwriter,” I’ll say.

	(To the family members, ex-girlfriends, friends, and relatives that obtain this book.  Surprise!  I’m an individual with personal opinions who doesn’t believe in God, or polite avoidances of the truth!  If this book honestly affects your opinion of me, then maybe you should pass it around so I know who to stop sending Christmas cards to.  Fuck off with your judgments!  I’m still a polite and honest person like you thought, I’m just not as innocent and religious as you so annoyingly assumed.  To my political opponents:  I would love to have more material for your constituents to read!  At least I actually authored it this time.)

	If you enjoyed these stories, please pass this book to someone else.  I didn’t publish this to sell copies; I published it so that people would read it.  Money is scary, and I won’t have it unless I know what to do with it.  The way you can repay me however, is by visiting my blog, http://www.brandonstgermaine.com and telling me what you think.  My rewards come from ego stroking and pats on the back, so pay up.

	Thank you for reading. Don’t settle, and remember that everyone struggles.

-BSG