Indulging my inner self
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3:07pm Today
(This note, as most all my others, is a slight edit of a Myspace blog)

In middle school, I started watching Star Trek on a regular basis. I blame that, and that alone, with the eventual loss of most of my friends and popularity with girls. It carried on through high school, despite my trying to kill that view of myself. Even though I now realize it was a compliment, at the time the nickname "Tech Dawg" was the epitome of everything I should have been but wasn't; a strange juxtaposition of a nerd term with a cool term, showing both what I was and what I could never be.

College should have been a fresh start, and in many regards it was. I shrugged off that representation of myself, to the point of changing my physical appearance. However, the damage was already done, and the social skills I never honed when I should have weren't in place, so I was left largely to myself.

I realize this sounds like a typical whiny blog of mine, but it's not.

I was in Walmart a couple of weeks ago, walking through the DVD aisles as is required in any Walmart trip, and I saw a whole section of $7.50 DVDs. Looking through them, I quickly saw that they had all of the Trek moves there. Impulse buy, I bought all the ones I didn't already have, and spent the next week watching all ten films in order.

It was... fun.

I then re-arranged my shelves, donated several useless books, put the rest away, and now a good chunk of my DVD collection takes up my main shelf. Glancing over at it, I can see the ten Trek films, both Predators, the Alien Quadriliogy, Spaceballs, Galaxy Quest, Dawn of the Dead, Shaun of the Dead, Starship Troopers, 12 Monkeys, 28 Days Later, all three Terminators...

It is who I am, and I have no reason to be ashamed of it. Who'll ever see it besides me anyway?

I was out in the garage not long ago, taking a couple pictures of my Halloween costume prop (the lighting is better out there), and the phone rang in the kitchen. I answered it, and was worried my music was too loud. That is, the music I had on in my room. AC/DC to be more specific.

That, too, is who I am.

I am okay with this.

It's finially October, and the countdown to Halloween, my favorite holiday, is underway. Finishing my prop today nearly finished my costume; only one more thing to do and it will be done.

I love Halloween. I prefer it even to Christmas, which may come off as odd to some. Last year I spent about $80 on my costume; this year's has cost me half that. Money well spent in my opinion. Any fundage expended for Halloween is for the sake of fun, for myself and for others. Consider this. Even if one's only Halloween expense is buying candy for trick-or-treaters, what was the purpose of the candy? To make people happy, to help them have fun. Compare that to one that heavily decorates their home, buys food and drink of all sorts, and throws a party. What was their purpose? To make people happy, to help them have fun.

Why do people go to services, send out cards by the dozen, and buy presents for everyone they know for the Christmas season? Obligation. I'm not a complete Scrooge, I like Christmas ok, and I'll send out a few cards and give a couple of people presents, but not because I feel I have to. Because I want to make them happy, which is the only thing Halloween is about.

The party bug never hit me in college. Now, I'd love to be the one with the place everyone goes to to celebrate and have fun. My ideal Halloween would be the heavily decorated home, food and drink and friends and music and good times for everyone. Until then, I'll settle for creating an air of mystery over what my costume is, my first appearance in Murray since graduation to attend Rocky Horror, and giving what few friends I can a good time.

For those that are trying to figure it out and haven't caught the several clues scattered on Facebook, Myspace, blogs, etc, here's a blatant one: