FACADE STAGEPLAY Fri Nov 30 20 12 54 2007 GRACE Trip, when are you going to get rid of this? (Al knocks on the front door.) (Al knocks on the front door.) TRIP What, Grace... -- (interrupted) TRIP Uhp, he's here! GRACE What?! You said he's coming an hour from now! TRIP No, he's supposed to be here now! GRACE Trip...! (Trip opens the front door.) TRIP Al!! AL 8--------------------D TRIP Hey! God it's been so long since we've seen you! -- (interrupted) TRIP Uh... TRIP Well come on in... -- (interrupted) GRACE No, no, here we are! AL HI I'M AL GRACE Al, GRACE Hi! How are you? God it's been a while! AL SHORT FOR ALAN LOL GRACE Aw, H-mmm (happy smile sound) GRACE By the way, you look wonderful! GRACE So come on in, make yourself at home! AL OMG SUPAH THANKS SEXY GRACE (clears throat) Well, Al, ha ha, that's kind of a bold way to say hello... uh... TRIP Al, let me get you a drink. AL :D 8----------D PHONE ** RING ** (Trip closes the front door.) TRIP Oh, I'll get it -- GRACE No, no, we have a guest, we can let the answering machine pick it up. -- (interrupted) PHONE ** RING ** (AL picks up the phone.) PHONE Grace? Hello? GRACE Al, no! Please don't do that. PHONE Who is this? Grace is that you? GRACE Uhh, it's my dad, I can hear his voice. AL Hey mr Snuggles PHONE I don't recognize your voice... (AL puts down the phone.) TRIP Oh! GRACE Oh, good, you hung up. I can call him back later, or in a few days, heh. AL YO YO YO WASSUP GRACE What? Wait, wait, let's just wait for the answering machine... -- (interrupted) (AL kisses grace.) TRIP (nervous coughing) GRACE uh... AL :D TRIP whoa, that was, uh... GRACE (nervous coughing) TRIP wha... GRACE ha ha... TRIP ha ha, heh... GRACE ha ha ha ha ha!! TRIP ha ha ha! TRIP Ha ha ha, heh, Al, -- (interrupted) AL Oops, wrong person (AL kisses trip.) TRIP we... AL THERE WE GOO WOOOOOOOO GRACE I -- I'm not... GRACE He just... TRIP You... GRACE uh... AL LETS HAVE DRINKS GRACE He just... TRIP Before we forget... um... AL LETS HAVE DRINKS TRIP We've got to ask the... GRACE Yeah, yeah... TRIP the... our... uh, tax attorney... AL GODDAMN I WANT DRINKS GRACE explain that it won't happen again... TRIP Oh good idea, yeah, yeah... AL DRINKS DRINKS TRIP (long release sigh) AL DRINKS TRIP yeah... AL DRINKS TRIP Al, let me get you a drink. TRIP Ah, you'll be the first to sample from my new set of imported drinking glasses. -- (interrupted) AL YOU ARE ALL D- Oh. TRIP Uh -- well, we should drink. TRIP What would you like? TRIP I've got the perfect bottle of cabernet I've been saving for just such an occasion. TRIP We went wine tasting last year in the Napa with Grace's parents and discovered this stuff, it's exquisite. GRACE Now Trip don't -- (interrupted) AL LETS HAVE SCREAMING ORGASM TRIP Ha ha! Oh I think we're going to need some drinks first if we're going to talk about sex. AL ... GRACE Trip, come on, that's -- (interrupted) TRIP Uh, well, I'm just going to pour you a glass of this wine. GRACE No no, GRACE Al, how about something simple, like a nice glass of chardonnay? AL I WANT A DRINK OF S. O. TRIP You know what why I don't I just open a bottle of merlot and make it easy. AL SCREAMING ORGASM GRACE Hey, uh -- (AL picks up the advice ball.) GRACE did you -- (AL puts down the advice ball.) GRACE did you pick up my dry cleaning? TRIP What? Dry cleaning? -- (interrupted) GRACE Yes, did you pick up my dry cleaning this morning, like I asked you to? TRIP Yeah. GRACE Okay, good, I just thought of that, that's good, I -- I just wanted to make sure. GRACE So anyway, AL Yo, I brought the cucumbers. TRIP Uh, well, merlot will be fine, that's fine... TRIP Grace, what can I get you to drink tonight? Surprise me. -- (interrupted) AL And the lubricant. TRIP Well, I was just going to ask Grace what she wants. AL ANAL LUBRIcANT :D GRACE Um, I'd like a simple glass of Chardonnay, thank you. -- (interrupted) TRIP Yeah, yeah, I, heh -- I know what you want, Grace. GRACE Huh, you two really are getting along well tonight, heh... AL :D :D :D :D :D TRIP Oh, Al, I thought you might like this photo I just put up from our recent trip to Italy. GRACE Might like it? It's a beautiful picture of the Italian countryside, of course he'll like -- (interrupted) AL WOAH I'M INSIDE GRACES HEAD TRIP Alright Grace, your drink is ready. GRACE Thanks. (AL picks up a Grace's drink.) AL GIMME THAT (AL puts down a Grace's drink.) (AL picks up a Grace's drink.) TRIP (little sigh) (clears throat) (AL sips his Grace's drink.) (AL puts down a Grace's drink.) GRACE By the way, anybody, join me on the couch if you like. (AL picks up a Grace's drink.) TRIP Um... now,, Al, what does this picture make you think of? (AL sips his Grace's drink.) (AL sips his Grace's drink.) (AL sips his Grace's drink.) (AL sips his Grace's drink.) GRACE Think of? Ha ha. That's easy. (AL sips his Grace's drink.) AL YO MOMMA (AL sips his Grace's drink.) TRIP No, I just want one word... (AL sips his Grace's drink.) GRACE One word... one word... wow, that's going to have to be some amazing word... -- (interrupted) (AL sips his Grace's drink.) AL MOMMA (AL sips his Grace's drink.) (AL sips his Grace's drink.) TRIP Romance! It says... romance...! (AL sips his Grace's drink.) GRACE Romance! Oh, romance! That was tricky! Good one, Trip. -- (interrupted) AL NO IT DOESNT (AL puts down a Grace's drink.) GRACE Oh, please, no more talk about the Italy trip tonight, if you don't mind... TRIP Actually I... uh... I took this picture on my own... Grace was too tired to leave the hotel room... heh... -- (interrupted) AL TRIP YOU'RE UGLY TRIP Okay, Al, I think this evening is over, you've got to leave. AL NOT TO UGLY FOR PASHING AL OH WAIT (Trip opens the front door.) TRIP We'll be fine -- just go. (Trip closes the front door.) AL STOP, ALAN IS HORNY AL ;-;