After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form
called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about
problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the
problems; document their repairs on the form, and then
pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of
humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints
submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the
solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance
engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has
never had an accident....Enjoy!

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

-

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

-

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

-

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

-

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet
per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

-

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

-

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

-

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're for.

-

P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

-

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

-

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

-

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be
serious.

-

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

-

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.



And the best one for last...

P. Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds
like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.