A lowly freshman once was I,
Taking classes, getting by,

Until that dreaded fateful day,
When I would have to choose my way.

This choice deserved deliberation,
And would decide my true vocation,

But opportunity I did waste,
And made my decision in great haste:

English! I'll major in English!

No math for me,
Just plain literacy,

Oh why did I choose English?

My adviser asked if I was sure,
if maybe my quick choice was poor,

And I replied straight away,
Here on out, from this day,

English! I'll major in English!

A twenty page essay
due by this Tuesday!

Oh why did I choose English?

My family was not overjoyed,
Shamed I could not be employed,

With steady work, or firm career,
But my choice to me was clear

Analyze poems, stanzas and lines,
Write about symbolism and rhymes:

English! I'll major in English!

Someone's got to read Shakespeare,
It might as well be me!

Oh why did I choose English?

They all laughed and said I'd fail,
And never get high on any payscale,

I turned my back on family and friends,
in the long and bitter end,

Though it turned out that they were right
And I ended up a sorry sight,

Barely making enough to get by,
At night it makes me want to cry.

English! I majored in English!

Can't do jack shit
with this stupid degree!

Could think of better ways
to spend my money!

Oh why did I choose English?