You ever get the feeling that your life is pointless?  That nothing is going your way?  I've felt that way lately.  My job turned into a joke, school has become pointless, and my love life is...nonexistant.  So tonight I decided I'm going to change it all.  I've applied for a few new jobs around here, all higher paying and more interesting than my current one.  I've picked out some classes for next semester that I will enjoy and that will teach me things I think will be useful.  

So that just leaves the third.  I got a suggestion to ask a random girl on the street out.  That's unlikely for a two reasons.  First, I'm too awkward.  I can't say something that doesn't make me sound like a reasonably intelligent person without practicing.  And even then it probaly will come out all wrong.  I'd much rather write, because I can say what I mean and still catch anything stupid before I send it off.

Secondly, the average girl to the street does not appeal to me.  I need someone I don't feel like I have to talk down to.  I need someone that will get my puns, someone who will embrace my nerdiness, someone who will accept that I cube too much.  The vast majority of girls (especially in LA) are stupid, shallow, and frankly, annoying.  I have yet to find the holy grail in meatspace.  There are people online, though.  I pour my heart out online...I'm a brick wall to most people in real life.  Actually, there IS someone I've been thinking about a lot lately.  When I've been down she's been there, telling me that it's all okay, that the best is yet to come.  She fits the "profile" perfectly: she's probably smarter than me, she's got a heart of gold, and she cubes!  Did I mention she's stunningly beautiful?

I guess you've figured out who I'm talking about.  The other night, I told you I love you.  You replied back as a true friend, but I meant more than you thought.  I've fallen in love with you, Hannah.  Every time I talk to you, I'm kicking myself for not telling you right away how I've felt for a while now.  I know, I know, you've sworn off anyone you can't touch, but I ask you:  Could it be that the perfect person isn't nearby?  Could it be that that the one is miles away, hoping you'll change your mind?

Anyway, I'm not asking you to do anything big right now.  If you don't feel like I do, let me know upfront.  Tell me why so I can start to move on.  I may not be quick to forget but I promise I can handle rejection.  I won't mope around for months if it doesn't work out.  Tell me, we can still be great friends, and I'll have gotten something huge off my chest.

But if there's a thought in your mind... if you think you may feel something... tell me.  I don't want to force you into something you don't want, but I can say I know which outcome I'D prefer.

Just do me a favor and answer me.  When I asked Janessa I was pulling my hair out for 3 days because she was "thinking it over."  Myspace lets you see if your messages have been read and I was afraid she was trying to figure out how to let me down softly.  

You know those letters I never send?  This isn't one of them.

     <3
   Andrew