me - "Well what bothers me is that all the deals you guys offer are  
for new customers only"

them - "We offer deals to our current customers for discounted  
hardware updates"

me - "That would be free to new customers ..."

them - "Well of course it would be, they can't upgrade something they  
don't have"

me - "But they're not paying for hardware and getting a better deal on  
the monthly cost"

them - "It's only $10 or $40 savings and it's only for 6 to 18 months"

me - "Right, why can't you give me a HD DVR upgrade and knock $40 off  
my bill for a year and a half?"

them - "Because you aren't a new customer"

me - "So you just agreed with what I said earlier, that the good  
offers are for new customers only"

them - "Not the upgrade deals"

me - "Okay, well cable is giving me all the channels short of pay per  
view, hd dvr, and a second receiver for $105"

them - "Thats not with all the fees"

me - "Theres no tax on my Dish bill?"

them - "Of course there is taxes, everything has taxes"

me - "So what other fees"

them - "If you want to upgrade to the next tier of service"

me - "I'm already at the highest tier, there is no higher tier, I'm at  
the top"

them - "But if you weren't you'd have to pay"

me - "But I'm not"

them - "Did you know that cable loses 6% of its signal every time it's  
split?"

me - "That's a rather broad assertion, assuming that there is one main  
cable handoff"

them - "Right, like to a neighborhood"

me - "Okay, so the only thing you're telling me is that you won't give  
me the same deal as cable?"

them - "We can't match their price no"

me - "But you just said you were cheaper than cable"

them - "We are, but we can't beat their one year commitment prices"

me - "I'm not in a one year commitment price"

them - "That's all comcast offers sir"

me - "That may be, but I'm getting charter"

them - "They are very similar in their pricing structures"

me - "Apparently not, since charter doesn't require a contract"

them - "You need to look at the cost for the entire year, we're over  
$300 cheaper"

me - "What would it cost for me to have every channel, two tuners, and  
HD-DVR?"

them - "More than 100 dollars"

me - "So if I'm going to pay cable $100 a month, that's $1200 a year,  
are you saying I can save $300 a year with dish?"

them - "Yes"

me - "How is that possible you said you can't price that package for  
$100 a month"

them - "Well you'd have to get a cheaper package to save sir"

me - "So how is that a fair comparison?"

them - "because we don't have hidden fees"

me - "okay, lets just go ahead and cancel my account"